Staying Stiff
by QueenAlicorn
Summary: This is a parody of the Beetle Bailey episode Hoss Laffs. Beetle, Sarge, and Zero are tasked with getting a statue from a sculptor.
1. Chapter1

Disclaimer: I do not own Beetle Bailey or it's characters.

Chapter one,

[Reveille Plays]

**He's the military hero of the nation,**

**Though he doesn't always follow regulations,**

**At the sound of reveille,**

**He is here for you to see,**

**And we know you'll laugh and cry with private Bailey,**

**Beetle Bailey,**

**As the General, Colonel, Major and the Captain,**

**The Lieutenant, and the Sergeant, and the Corporal,**

**They will tell you with a shout,**

**They would gladly live without,**

**A certain private by the name of Beetle Bailey!**

**Beetle Bailey!**

Like any normal day for Beetle Bailey, his morning starts with an annoying trumpet to wake everyone up. Or at least try. Beetle and Zero had learned to get dressed as they slept, just so they could have a little more rest. Which wasn't saying much. The men all dragged themselves outside for Sarge, who seemed just a little too chipper at this hour.

"Good morning, boys." Sarge said to his group.

"Good morning Sargent Snorkel." Everyone but Beetle and Zero said.

"Our assignment today calls for two volunteers. Who will volunteer? Come forward, please." Sarge said as he stared at his sleeping privates, rocking back and forth on their feet. Beetle was the first to fall over, but Zero fell right after.

"Beetle and Zero! I knew I could count on you two." Sarge said which was only met with snoring.

"I'll get these two in the van; and as for the rest of you, I want you all to do your exercises as then finish your assigned duty before the General's unveiling this afternoon." Sarge said and his troop ran off to the track. Sarge easily threw Zero and Beetle over his shoulder and walked to vehicle storage. It was a short walk, but the seconds seemed to last twice as long. Sarge always loved taking Beetle off base- away from cameras and spying eyes. Snorkel signed out the van and he was given the keys.

But Sarge had a dirty little idea when he got close to the van. Sarge licked his lips and he went ahead and put Zero into the front seat. Now with that blonde goof out of the way, Sarge could spend a little alone time with Beetle in the back. Just the thought of what's to come made Sarge hard with anticipation. He closed the door and set down the snoring monster.

Half the time it was confusing how Beetle's snoring didn't wake up the camp. So the first order of business was to wake up and shut up the boy. Sarge knew Beetle was a heavy sleeper, so Sarge didn't have a care in the world when he stripped the private. Sarge picked up the jacket and the undershirt and smiled at the naked beauty. The jacket was stronger, so Sarge used that to tie Beetle's feet together. Then he used the undershirt to tie Beetle's wrists together. Sarge unzipped his own pants, turned and pulled out a water bottle and a tube of lube. He put the lube off to the side and lifted Beetle's head up to his cock. Sarge dumped the water bottle in Beetle's face and Bailey woke up.

"What! I'm up, I'm- HM!" Sarge shoved his thick dick down Beetle's throat.

"Oh, I needed this." Sarge said as he thrusted his lust.

"MMM!" Beetle complained, but the sound made Beetle's throat vibrate and Sarge loved it.

"Ah, A-ah!" Sarge moaned, and he knew that if he kept this up, he would cum rather quickly. But Sarge didn't want something quick; he had hours before that statue had to be ready. So Sarge did one hard thrust and stayed there for about ten seconds. Sarge liked watching Beetle's eyes water, since you barely see his eyes anyways.

"Damn you Sarge, there are better ways to wake someone up." Bettle said once Sarge removes himself.

"Say what you will Beetle, but I see that you're standing at attention." Sarge said and Beetle looked down at his naked body and saw his hard erection.

"Well, look at that." Beetle said with a sigh and when Beetle looked up at Sarge and saw the cocky smirk on his face, Beetle couldn't help but smile.

"Any more complaints?" Sarge asked and Beetle smiled.

"No, Sarge. Though when you are in the mood for a quickie, you don't normally stop and ask if I had complaints." Beetle pointes out.

"Well, Zero is up in the front part of the truck. I didn't want you to wake him." Sarge said and Beetle scoffed.

"Thanks for your consideration." Beetle said and Sarge narrowed his eyes.

"I have lube today, Beetle. Perhaps you should get on your hands and knees so I can use you properly. Do it now, and I will actually use the lube." Sarge said and Beetle shook his head.

"Fine, but I'm not done talking about this." Beetle said and Sarge rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, Beetle. I want to cum in your ass." Sarge said and Beetle got down on his hands and knees. Sarge grabbed the lube and he covered Beetle's ass in it. Then, like many times before, Sarge entered Beetle.

"Ah-ha." Beetle moaned in slight pain. He can never seem to get use to Sarge's rod.

"I said 'shut it'." Sarge said, in no mood for anything that could sound like complaining. Beetle was a little insulted, but he forgot all about that when Sarge decided to plunge his whole length in Beetle.

"Ah! Sarge, I could have used a little warn-" Beetle was cut off by Sarge's hand covering his mouth.

"MMMHMM!" Beetle complained, but Sarge didn't care.

"I told you to shut up." Sarge said and Sarge started thrusting mercilessly into Beetle.

"HM!" Beetle moaned and Sarge closed his eyes to absorb the feeling more.

"Mmmmm." Beetle groaned out and Sarge growled. As good as it felt, he almost thought that this was all too much work, so Sarge decided to change it up a bit. With Beetle's ass trembling around Sarge's hard cock, Sarge pulled Beetle up so that he was standing on his knees, and his body was leaning back unto Sarge's.

"Oohh." Beetle moaned once Sarge removed his hand from Beetle's face. Instead, Sarge put one hand on Beetle's hip and the other on his shoulder and he slam Beetle against him as he thrusted in. Beetle moaned loudly and Sarge grunted in enjoyment. Part of Sarge wanted to lock Beetle away so that he could have Beetle whenever he wanted, but that wasn't how this worked.

"Oh, Sarge, you're too good." Beetle moaned and Sarge let out a low growl.

"I-I'm about to cum." Beetle said and Sarge smirked. His favorite sexual activity was to keep Beetle from cumming when he needed to. Sarge was quick to wrap a hand around to Beetle's penis and squeeze it to keep him from cumming.

"Ah-HA! You Fucking Bastard!" Beetle yelled, and Sarge hardened. Sarge wanted to screw in one more position before his climax. While Sarge was still on his knees, he pulled Beetle's incarcerated hands backwards until they wrapped around Sarge's head, then Sarge lifted Beetle into the air.

"A-Ah-OW!" Beetle winced. Sarge kept his hold on Beetle's dick, but Beetle was really holding himself up, since he was holding Sarge's neck.

And if that wasn't enough, Sarge started to pummel Beetle's ass, hands-free. He just kept thrusting and thrusting; one hand kept Beetle from climaxing and the other would grab or pinch as much of Beetle's tender skin as it could. In a situation like this Beetle's mind kind of completely fogged over as he was focused on nothing but pleasure. All of Beetle's little moans, and groans and hisses of pain made Sarge really really excited.

"Oooh! Fuuuck!" Sarge moaned as he felt his explosion coming. He held out for a few seconds though. Sarge stood up into his tired legs, and then he thrusted deep inside Beetle, and he pulled his hands off the private so Beetle could cum as well. Together they went off. Shot after shot of cum, Sarge thrusted his hips slightly as Beetle dangled helplessly from Sarge's cock. Sarge could never get enough of Bailey.

After about a minute, Sarge's erection decreased and Beetle was able to slide off of Sarge and unto his own pitiful legs. Seeing Beetle so tired made Sarge feel manly, but now there were other matters to deal with. Sarge untied Beetle and they both got decent and went to the front of the truck. Sarge was driving since he knew where they were going and so Beetle just pushed Zero over a bit so he could sit down on his sore bum.


	2. Chapter2

Disclaimer: I do not own Beetle Bailey or it's characters.

Chapter 2,

Beetle remained silent until they got into town. Beetle just assumed that they were picking up some luxury items for General Halftrack or the officers; but after they past the bakery, the liquor store, and the 'don't ask what's inside' store, Beetle couldn't figure out where else they could be going.

"Say Sarge. Uh, where are we going with this truck?" Beetle asked the way too perky Sarge. He was always that overly happy after a good fuck with Beetle.

"We are going to a sculptor studio, to pick up a life-sized statue of General Rough Rider on his horse. Which will be unveiled this afternoon." Sarge said.

"Oh." Beetle said and Sarge glanced at him.

"What?" Sarge asked and Beetle shrugged.

"Nothing really." Beetle said and Sarge didn't believe him for a second.

"Uh, huh." Sarge said and Beetle shook his head.

"I was just thinking about earlier." Beetle said and Sarge smiled.

"Good huh?" Sarge said and Beetle sighed.

"Of course it was good, it's always good. It's just..." Beetle hesitated.

"Just what?" Sarge asked and Beetle took a deep breath before he continued.

"Some times I just feel like a sex toy Sarge." Beetle said and Sarge blinked.

"What is that suppose to mean?" Sarge asked and Beetle groaned.

"I mean, you never, like, go down on me. There is no real foreplay, no real kissing, no real petting, it's just 'shut up and fuck me Beetle'. Which is hot a lot of the time, but sometimes I would like some... something more to it." Beetle said and Sarge groaned.

"We talked about this Beetle." Sarge said.

"No, we talked about dating. And I still love Bunny, and even if I wasn't I still think we shouldn't date." Beetle agreed with Sarge.

"But you want us to fuck like we are in a relationship?" Sarge suggested and Beetle shrugged.

"Well, we are kinda in a sexual relationship. I just think we could have more fun if it wasn't simply fuck and done." Beetle said and Sarge sighed.

"I'll think about it, ok." Sarge said and Beetle smiled sweetly.

"Ah, Sarge, you made me the happiest girl in the world." Beetle said playfully and Sarge rolled his eyes.

"You still don't know when to shut up." Sarge said and he took another look at the map.

"21 Beat Street. This is the place. Beetle, hurry up there and tell him to bring down the statue." Sarge said.

"Ok, Sarge." Beetle said quickly. He didn't want to do anything to upset Sarge now. Beetle jumped out of the truck. With some free space, Sarge pushes Zeri over a bit so the man wasn't laying on him.

"Hehe, Beetle." Zero muttered when he landed on his back. Sarge blinked when he heard Zero say this. Some questions filled Sarge's head. Like was Zero gay and was Beetle sleeping with him. But there was probably nothing that could have prepared him for looking down Zero's body and seeing Zero slowly getting aroused.

Sarge was still satisfied from fucking Beetle, but knowing Zero was hard next to him... it made Sarge feel funny. He felt some sort of craving or desire that confused him. Sarge wondered if maybe Beetle wasn't acting needy with wanting a little foreplay. Maybe it did make sex a bit hotter. Sarge glanced at the building, and then back at Zero.

"Beetle might be a while." Sarge uttered and he leaned over and tapped Zero's face to see if the action would get him to wake up.

"And Zero seems to be out cold." Sarge but his lip and glanced up and down the street. Zero popped one of his eyes opened and smirked before appearing to be asleep.

"I guess there is no harm in... this..." Sarge nervously reaches over and unzipped Zero's pants slowly. Zero opened one of his eyes to see if this was really happening, and then closed it against

"Dang, you are a big boy." Sarge muttered when he removed Zero's dick. The penis twitched in excitement and Sarge licked his lips.

"Maybe just a taste." Sarge whispered and he stuck out his tongue. He licked Zero from the base to the tip. It was hot and salty. Sarge went back and he rolled his tongue around Zero's head slowly. Once, twice, three times. Sarge glanced up at the private and Sarge would never admit to how turned on he got from sucking a sleeping soldier. But he didn't really suck Zero, did he. Sarge sat up for a moment and looked around the area was still pretty quiet since it was so early. Sarge wanted to cover the window on the off chance Beetle came down right away. He was going to remove his jacket, but then he realized that there was a chance that something could come off of his jacket and then he would be in trouble for being out of regulation. So then Sarge decided to remove his pants instead. At least that way he didn't have to worry about dropping anything and he could jerk off if he wanted. Sarge removed his pants nervously and pinned his pants to the window.

"Feels odd to do this without Beetle." Sarge commented and Zero knew he could play around with this information. Now that Sarge felt a little more secure with the situation, he turned back to Zero's log.

"Let's see, just bob the head, right?" Sarge whispered. He put his lips around Zero's head and moved back and forth a bit. Sarge didn't enjoy the way his lips stretched out and got forced back into his mouth, so Sarge pulled away.

"Ugh, that's not right." Sarge commented. He has had Beetle suck him plenty of times, and he doesn't recall Beetle's lips ever doing that.

"Maybe I should stick to old fashioned sucking." Sarge muttered. He grabbed Zero's base and then he once again wrapped his lips around Zero's head. Sarge took a breath. He sucked roughly, even grazing his teeth on Zero.

"Ugh!" Zero grunted in pain and Sarge jumped at Zero's sudden noise.

"Sarge, you gotta be gentle." Zero said and Sarge blushed deeply.

"I-I..." Sarge didn't know what to say. He'd been caught and he had no good reason for exposing Zero and sucking him without consent.

"Come here." Zero said and he placed a hand on Sarge's face and brought Sarge up to a kiss. It was odd though. Sarge has kissed Beetle before, but never this sweetly. He enjoyed it, but Sarge knew he would like it more if he were kissing Beetle. Then Zero did something really odd. He got sloppy with the kiss; licking and nipping at Sarge's lips. Zero's tongue tickles Sarge's lip in a way that both tickled and disgusted him.

"There, Sarge. Now you should have an easier time." Zero said once he pulled away. At first Sarge was confused, but then Zero reached down and pointed his penis towards Sarge. This time Sarge was incredibly hesitant with Zero's package. He wasn't sure if his heart raced more now or when Zero was asleep. Sarge went ahead and put his mouth on Zero. He stiffly moved his head up and down.

"Good Sarge." Zero gently encouraged. Sarge's first reaction was to bite Zero, since this tone was similar to one he uses with Zero. But then Zero moved his hand to Sarge's face, to carefully guide him and Sarge knew Zero meant no hard in his comment.

"Ooooohhh." Zero moaned from the back of his throat. Sarge must have been doing a good job. But he was still unsure of what to do with his tongue. He had it in the back of his throat to help prevent any cum from going down his throat. However that was still very uncomfortable. He decided to let his tongue relax a bit and lowered it. The tip of Sarge's tongue gently tickled Zero's dick as Sarge thrusted his head.

"H-AH." Zero stammered. This feather-like touch on his Johnson was driving him crazy. In fact crazier then he expected.

"S-Sarge... ent!" Zero moaned and he climaxed his hot seed into Sarge's mouth. Snorkel was surprised at the salty/bitter substance, and he wanted to spit it out. Zero glanced down and saw a foam water cup and handed it to his superior.

"Bleh!" Sarge exclaimed when he spit out Zero's cum. Zero smiled, but then focused really hard on not smiling.

"I hear the flavor of cum varies from person to person." Zero said and Sarge's body shook.

"I don't care." Sarge said and Zero cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Huh, I figured that maybe you did. After all you did blow me without my consent." Zero said and Sarge blinked.

"Good luck proving it." Sarge spat and Zero thought about it and shrugged.

"You're right. Half of the base knows about you and Beetle. If you were to blow anyone it would be Beetle, after all." Zero said and Sarge wasn't sure if Zero was lying.

"H-half the base?" Sarge asked and Zero nodded.

"Well, I'm not very good with numbers. It could be more." Zero said and Sarge narrowed his eyes.

"Or less, you dimwit! Who knows?" Sarge asked and Zero paused.

"Everyone in our company knows, or suspects you and Beetle. Cookie knows. I bet Otto knows. I think everyone in the hospital. They need to make sure you two don't get Aids or some other STD." Zero said and he stopped when Sarge rose his hand.

"That's enough. I thought we were pretty careful, but I guess not. Wait, does General Halftrack know?" Sarge asked and Zero thought about this for a moment.

"I'm not sure. I don't think so. If he does, then he hasn't said anything around us, and we don't talk about that around him." Zero said and Sarge seemed to relax a little.

"Good, I didn't want him to get mad and fire me." Sarge said and Zero tucked himself away, then he leaned forward.

"Sarge you still seen so tense." Zero said and Sarge blinked at his private.

"Excuse me?" Sarge asked and Zero smirked.

"Sarge, you helped me to... relax. It is only fair that I help to return the favor." Zero said and Sarge blushed like a madman.

"Now you must be kidding me. Now that I've done it, I can't imagine why someone would want to risk having such a distasteful substance fill their mouth, like some expired yogurt." Sarge said and Zero smiled.

"Sarge... seems like you're private understands perfectly." Zero pointed out and Sarge looked down. It was clear that Sarge was standing at attention, since he had removed his pants earlier.

"Yeah, well, uh..." Sarge commented and Zero leaned towards Sarge.

"Don't get flustered Sarge. It's not fair to give Beetle such special treatment." Zero said, licking his lips.

"Unfair or not, we shouldn't do anymore. Beetle should be back any minute and who knows what he'll say when he comes back and sees you doing that." Sarge said. Zero cautiously moved Sarge's underwear and started to stroke him softly.

"Well, you could always order him to join." Zero said as his breath got a little faster. Sarge glanced out the window to look for Beetle.

"I'm still not sure." Sarge said, and Zero smiled devilishly. Zero licked Sarge from his base to his tip, which made Sarge shiver. He had no idea Zero could be so gentle.

"I think you are." Zero said, he knew that Sarge wasn't going to last long. Going slow was the only way to prolong this experience and make it last. But Zero was craving Sarge's cum. Zero wrapped his lips around Sarge and started to bob his head up and down rather quickly.

"Ah-woah." Sarge said, his face turning red from the surprise. Zero wasn't sure what had gotten over him. Was it the fact that Sarge tried to suck him as he slept? Or the fact that they were in public and could be caught? Or the fact that Beetle will return soon, and might have fun with them? Whatever it was, he enjoyed making Sarge quake in his mouth.

"Ooooo." Sarge moaned. If Zero was this nice as a blowjob, then maybe Sarge needed to try that tight little ass sometime. Zero started to stroke himself as he sucked Sarge, which caused Zero to moan. Sarge couldn't help himself with the added vibrations.

Sarge grabbed Zero's head and started to fuck his throat. This act was such a rush, that it sent Zero over the edge, and he climaxed in his own hands. Zero was being used, and he though it hurt, he loved it more then he expected. But he still wanted Sarge's cum. Zero started humming and lubed up his fingers with his seed. Then, with more grit then he knew he possessed, Zero quickly shoved his finger into Sarge.

"BAILEY!!!" Sarge shouted as he climaxed into Zero's mouth.


	3. Chapter3

Disclaimer: I do not own Beetle Bailey or it's characters.

Chapter 3,

Beetle hurried into the building and ran up until he came to a door that read 'Clarence Claypot Sculptor. Walk In.'. So Beetle just walking in with no hesitation, then he was shocked to see a beautiful woman.

"Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoop-de-da-day! Hehehe, he." Beetle exclaimed when he saw her. She was pale and didn't move a muscle when Beetle gawked at her. So Beetle moved closer to her.

"Say! Would you mind telling me, what's a sweet kid like you doing in a crummy joint like this, anyway?" Beetle asked, but she just smiled at him.

"You know, I'm a soldier." Beetle said, placing a hand on the wall to look more attractive to the girl.

"Which means I have dedicated my life so that people like you can rest easy knowing that you're safe." Beetle said. He took a step forward and started to stroke her exposed leg.

"I could help warm you up tonight. Nothing makes you feel safer, then knowing a soldier is in bed with you." Beetle said.

At this point, the sculptor Clarence Claypot was getting annoyed at Beetle flirting with his statue. Besides, working inside the Lion's mouth made this whole conversation echo all around him, and it had to stop.

"What are you, some kind of nut?" Clarence asked, his voice echoing into the room.

"G-gosh. A T-T-Talking St-St-St-Stone l-l-lion." Beetle said, terrified of the creature. He didn't want to make the lion angry and eat him, so Beetle walked over to the beast to gain it's trust.

"Hi there. Eh? M-me friend. N-n-nice pussy. Me go get pussy cat a dish of milk. Heh heh heh. See ya later." Beetle said, feeling clever and proud of himself.

"Stay right where you are." Clarence ordered and Beetle froze, afraid of being eaten. Clarence almost thought it was amusing that this soldier thought his statues were real. And Clarence wondered how far he could take this opportunity.

"Animals don't wear clothes, so remove yours." Clarence said, staying inside the lion to keep his voice booming. Beetle didn't want to upset the lion, so he obeyed and removed his uniform. Clarence couldn't believe how easy that was. It was a little unnerving for a soldier to be that gullible, but at least he got a guilt-free fuck out of it.

"Get on your hands and knees, like an animal, and retract." Clarence said and Beetle carefully crawled backwards.

"Now stop." Clarence said when Beetle got back to the mouth of the lion.

"Now present yourself." Clarence said, removing his own clothes.

"Present? Well, I'm Beetle Bailey. And I'm a soldier at Camp-"

"No, that's not what I want." Clarence said.

"Then what do you want?" Beetle asked and Clarence stroked himself a little.

"Place your face on the floor, and raise your bum as high as it will go." Clarence ordered.

"But then you could-"

"Now!" Clarence growled out, embracing the lion Beetle thought he was. Beetle submitted to the position Clarence wanted and the sculptor noticed how lubricated Beetle's hole still was, and he smiled.

Now Clarence could do something he always wanted to do, but never could. The man stood in the lion's jaw, jumped up into the air and crashed his entire length inside Beetle; then keeping the animalistic angle, he didn't wait a single second for Beetle to adjust, before he jackhammered the boy.

"AAAHH!" Beetle moaned out. The lion was smaller then Sarge, but old Snorkel could never thrust this fast, even for a quickie. And maybe it was the cold tiled floor, or the quiver of his legs, or the height of his ass, but Beetle could already feel his climax coming. Clarence could hear the soldier's moans getting higher in pitch, but he didn't want to get cum all over his floor.

"No you don't." Clarence said.

He grabbed the hair tie he kept around his wrist and somehow wrapped it tightly around Beetle, while still thrusting inside him. Beetle was impressed at how skillfully the lion did this. Clarence just wanted a quick fuck, but he wanted to make sure he got what he wanted before this gullible fool was gone. Clarence dug his nails into Beetle's back, so he could plunge a bit deeper into the man. Beetle moaned loudly. He did develop a small craving for pain during sex. Sarge was always so rough with him, that is was nearly a necessary requirement for climaxing. Beetle was loving every minute of this agony.

"So close, so close." Clarence moaned and then he pounded his seed deep into Beetle.

"Oh, fuck, fuck, Fuck, FUCK!" Clarence growled out. He didn't understand it, but every once in a while, climaxing actually pissed him off, instead of feeling bliss. Beetle's duck ached at the delicious warmth that filled his ass.

"Mr. Lion. I don't suppose you'd allow me to cum now?" Beetle asked and Clarence crawled back into the lion's mouth, and put on his clothes.

"No. And enough of this lion business." Clarence said as Bettle put his own clothes back on.

"Clarence Claypot swinging statue maker at your service." Clarence finally introduced himself.

"Say! You're not stone." Beetle exclaimed. Mostly because that sick felt as hard as stone.

"Never when I'm on the job. You must be the odd bird who came for the soldier statue." Clarence said. Beetle perked up; for a moment he had forgotten that his task was to get the statue. Sarge was a better partner anyways and Beetle certainly wastes enough time with this non-lion.

"Uh-Yeah, is it ready?" Beetle asked.

"Big as life man." Clarence said, quickly showing the statue to Beetle.

"Fine. I'll tell ol' Sarge you'll bring it right down." Beetle said, quickly walking away. Perhaps if Beetle returned with an erection, it could help persuade Snorkel to blow him for the first time.

"Like, I'm no delivery boy, man." Clarence said and Beetle turned to him.

"I just make these things. Like the man says. YOU haul 'em. So lots of luck man." Clarence said right before he disappeared back into the lion's mouth. Beetle just stood there for a moment. Sarge may use Beetle's body, but it never made Beetle feel used, if that makes sense. This Clarence guy tricked him, fucked him, and was done with him. It never felt that way with Sarge. It made Beetle feel dirty.

Beetle saw some rope and tied them to the statue. He pulled the marble General towards the door, and then Beetle realized that the statue was bigger then the door.

"Now, how am I gonna get-"

"Bailey!" Sarge yelled out during his climax. Beetle was sure to hear it, so he and Zero quickly got dressed and hopped out of the truck. Snorkel's voice scares Beetle beyond measure.

"Coming Sarge!" Beetle yelled, taking a chance and running as fast as he could. Luckily the statue broke through the wall and slid down the steps of the building. The statue was faster then he was, so Beetle whipped around and hopped on the horse. When he approached the bottom of the building, he saw Sarge and Zero standing near the door.

"Here it is Sarge." Beetle said, confident that he did a good job.

"You nincompoop! Stop horsing around!" Sarge said. The statue crashed right into Sarge, which finally wiped that dopey smile off of Zero's face.

"Bailey! Stop this thing! That's an order!" Sarge yelled, as he clung to the tail of the stone horse. Beetle did the only thing he could think to do.

"Whoa!" Beetle yelled at the horse.

"A, whoa there." Beetle yelled, but the horse didn't slow down. And poor Zero was following them as fast as he could.

"Oh! I can't look." Beetle yelled, covering his eyes. The statue, Beetle and Sarge all crashed against a tree. The statue broke into thousands of different pieces.

"Duh, Beetle? You alright?" Zero asked when he saw Beetle on the ground.

"Yeah, where's the Sarge?" Beetle asked, he looked up at the tree and saw Sarge's hat on an extremely pale ass.

"Woop-ba-de-Do-de-day-doe-do!" Beetle said, and this reaction was enough to make Zero look up in the tree.

"What a mess." Beetle saidz

"I can just barely recognize him." Zero said.

"Too bad." Beetle said, feeling the loss of his Sargent.

"Yeah, he was a great Sarge." Zero said.

"What do you mean _was_ you lame-brained knuckleheads!" Sarge yelled and Beetle's heart leaped for joy.

"Sarge, baby!" Beetle said impulsively.

"You're alright?" Zero asked happily.

"Alright nothing." Snorkel said as he climbed down the tree.

"I gotta come up with an idea to replace that statue, or General Halftrack will have us before a firing squad." Sarge said. The three walked together, trying to think of something that would work.

"Let me think." Snorkel muttered out loud. But then he saw a nearby costume stop and he knew exactly what to do/

"I got it!" Snorkel exclaimed. He ran off to the store and the private's followed him. After all, they didn't want to lose him again.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Beetle Bailey or it's characters.

Chapter 4,

Beetle, Sarge and Zero exited the costume shop looking a bit different then they were before.

"Hup! 2, 3, 4. Hup! 2, 3, 4. Hup! 2, 3, 4. Hup! 2, 3, 4." Sarge ordered the private's he was sitting on. Sarge was dressed up to look like General Roughrider. Where as the private's were dressed in a pantomime horse costume.

"Sarge, I'm getting hungry." Beetle said. He turned his head which turned the costume's head.

"I'll gives yous a piece of sugar after the unveiling ceremony." Sarge said quickly and Beetle looked forward again.

"Now remember, you got to stand still as a statue." Sarge said.

"Duh, what about the truck?" Zero said.

"We're just gonna have to come back for it. We can't really drive onto the base while being a statue." Sarge said. Zero decided to keep his mouth shut for the rest of the walk home.

He was holding onto Beetle's waist while Sarge rode him, and Zero was still frisky from earlier. Being the back half of the horse, Zero wasn't sure how they were able to sneak back to camp without getting caught. But after an excruciating amount of time, they finally settled in a dark cool area and waited for the ceremony to start.

"Man, was that exhausting. I think I'm gonna lay down and take a quick nap." Sarge said. Zero hoped that his superior would climb down and rear, but instead the large man laid down on top of them.

"Oh great, this is just perfect." Beetle groaned in annoyance.

"This isn't really how I imagined today going." Zero said and Beetle shifted uncomfortably.

"Damn, this hurts." Beetle whined softly and Zero noticed a wet spot on Beetle's ass. He poked it curiously.

"Beetle, your bum is damp." Zero said and Beetle scoffed.

"Well that's Clarence's fault." Beetle spat out.

"Who?" Zero asked, wondering if there was a new soldier at camp he hadn't met yet.

"He's the sculptor who made the statue. A real jerk though, I hope we never use him." Beetle said.

"What does that have to do with your pants?" Zero asked.

"Because that ass fucked mine and his cum is flowing out of me." Beetle snapped. Zero's eyes dilated from lust and he stared at Beetle's ass.

"Oh, gosh Zero I'm sorry. Clarence wrapped his hair tie around my cock to keep me from cumming so I'm kind of pent up." Beetle said and Zero panted and licked his lips.

"Maybe I can help out a little." Zero said.

"What do you expect to do?" Beetle asked and Zero reached over and loosened Beetle's belt.

"Zero." Beetle hissed at the soldier behind him.

"Your uniform is getting dirty, Beetle." Zero said matter of fact my and he tugged Beetle's pants towards him to expose Beetle's well-used hole.

"Zero, quit it. You're gonna wake S-" Beetle not his lip when Zero ran his tongue on Beetle's anus.

"Gotta clean the cum." Zero said and he grabbed Beetle's ass and carefully spread his cheeks. The cum spilled out of Beetle, making the boy shudder at the sensation. Zero was surprisingly patient. He would watch the cum flow out of Beetle and then he slowly licked the substance. It was driving Beetle mad, and Zero hadn't even inserted his tongue inside of his body.

"Zero..." Beetle softly moaned and Zero could feel his own breath growing heavy.

"You really and pent up, Beetle." Zero said. He reached over and he brushed his fingertips gingerly around Clarence's hair tie. Beetle arched slightly at this action.

"How far do you plan to take this?" Beetle asked. Zero didn't say anything to answer Beetle. He already sucked and fingered Sarge, so if he could, he would go so far as to fuck Beetle. Zero wrapped his warm hand around Beetle's twitching cock, and started stroking the sensitive boy.

"Ooohhh." Beetle moaned and Zero shushed him.

"Careful Beetle. You don't want to wake up Sarge now, do you?" Zero said and Beetle bit his lip.

"M-maybe you should stop, Zero. The unveiling should start my time now." Beetle said. He couldn't see the evil grin on Zero's face, but he suspected that Zero wouldn't stop. His suspicions were only confirmed when he felt Zero insert his tongue inside Beetle.

"Oh!" Beetle moaned and he quickly covered his mouth to suppress the sound. Speaking of sound, he thought he could hear General Halftrack speaking.

"And so we do honor to that great cavalry officer, General Roughrider." He heard Halftrack say.

_Oh no_, _was the unveiling ceremony already started?_

"Zero cut it out." Beetle hissed, but Zero refused to listen. Instead he removed the hair tie Clarence put on him earlier and Beetle moaned at how quickly he felt his climax approaching; as Zero started stroking him.

"You may unveil the statue." General Halftrack announced, and suddenly Beetle remembered the whale on his back was laying down, not sitting up.

"Sarge!" Beetle said, but then the curtains flew opened. Beetle shivered at the sudden exposure, but it was short lived. Whoever opened the curtain closed then back up again. Beetle had to wake up Sarge and now! It was a little difficult, with Zero's hand and tongue distracting him; but Beetle summoned his most authoritative tone and said:

"Ten-Hut!" Beetle said and Sarge instantly woke up and got into position.

"You may open the curtain, private." Halftrack said and the curtain opened back up again.

"With this lovely work of art..."

Beetle's eyes were half-lidded as he stared out into the crowd. He tries not to moan, he tried not to move, but with the way Zero was wriggling his tongue so deep inside of him, he wasn't really in control of his arousal.

"We commemorate the birthday of the fearless soldier, General Roughrider."

All of those eyes... it was so public... and he was so pent up. Beetle and Zero didn't even realize they had let Sarge sink a little. They barely heard him say the words 'straighten up, you knuckleheads'. But Zero did notice when Sarge kicked him with his spur. Zero's body jerked in pain, and while his whole tongue was inside of Beetle, he instinctively hit down on the surrounding area. Beetle cried out in pain, but it was what he needed to finally blow. He accidentally bucked Sarge off of his back as he climaxed into Zero's awaiting hand.

"Snorkel!" They heard Halftrack yell, and they saw that Sarge landed right on the good ol' General.

"What is the meaning of this?" He yelled and Beetle hissed as Zero gave Beetle his personal space back.

"Duh, we better get out of here, Beetle." Zero said and Beetle was in no mind to argue. They quietly backed out of sight while everyone was focused on their superior officers.

"Well, General Halftrack, old pal, sir." Sarge started trying to butter the General up.

"Uh, I was just trying to replace this statue. It got busted." Sarge hesitantly explained and Halftrack huffed.

"That ain't all that's gonna get busted around here." Halftrack said and he glared at Sarge.

"Get off me, Sargent!" Halftrack ordered and Sarge hopped up.

"Now you and I are gonna go to my office to discuss your punishment." Halftrack said.

"But, but, sir-" Sarge started, but Halftrack wasn't gonna have it.

"Hup! 2, 3, 4! Hup! 2, 3, 4! Hup! 2, 3, 4!" Halftrack said. Sarge instantly straightened his back and started marching... like a good soldier.


End file.
